The fear of what might happen
"Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself."
~ Paulo Coelho, The AlchemistI have a little over 6 weeks until I return to work. This has been the a second chances kind of year. I have had the opportunity to enjoy an infancy one last time, an opportunity that I wasn't sure I would get. I have savoured it. I feel centered and like I've fulfilled what was meant to be.
But Work is coming. As centered as I feel right now, the realities of running a household and working full time can be crushing. I feel the pending doom. The loss of quiet moments, the shift of chores from day to evening, rushing through supper preparations... I know what is coming and I am discouraged by it.
To deal with these emotions, I am trying something new and it seems to be helping. I am imagining the very worst, most busy week, accepting it, and moving forward. When I start to feel the dread of what is to come, I let it play out in my mind, ask myself "whats the worst that can happen?", imagine the consequences of those secondary events, and then I move on. In my head I have yet to dream up a scenario in which dirty laundry, uncooked meals, or lackluster lesson plans lead to a child dying. Most days it helps.
I first read about this strategy on A Blog About Love, and then read a passage that reiterated it in The Alchemist. The former focusses on putting relationships first in your life and recognizing that in every moment there is greatness. The author is a living example of following your dreams, while remaining rooted in the beauty of the present moment. The latter has the universal theme of following your dreams, but also points out that the journey is as important as the destination. They compliment each other well and for this girl, who struggles to focus on people instead of tasks, they are insightful gifts.
So I am going back to work in a little over six weeks and things are going to be challenging. But its not my job to make everything perfect; I only have to tend to people and deal with the tasks as they come. Phewph. I might have to make this post my homepage.